


I Must Be

by ScribbleSibyl



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1999821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribbleSibyl/pseuds/ScribbleSibyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyle's finally starting to catch onto Cartman's hints, and it only took him seven years. But the moment he figures it all out, Cartman makes everything annoyingly frustrating for Kyle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Must Be

**Author's Note:**

> I tried out a different scenario, where Kyle's the one to initiate things. I hope it works out well enough.

"Cartman! Pay attention, for fuck's sake!"

Kyle snatched the remote away from Cartman with an agitated growl and turned off the TV.

"And stop changing the fucking channel. If you can't find anything to watch then pay attention to the god damn assignment." He added, putting the remote to the side of him.

It was just Kyle's luck that he was stuck with Cartman for Biology class. Now he was over at Cartman's house trying to help him with homework that he wasn't even paying attention to. Cartman was just sitting on the couch, idly snacking on cheesy poofs and endlessly channel surfing.

The mere idea that Cartman would even pass was unfathomable. Even at the age of seventeen Cartman couldn't be bothered to give a shit about his school work. Yet, he was never held back a grade, getting by by just copying off of his friends and cheating on tests. At the very least, he was good at that.

"Whatever, we already went over that stuff in class anyway." Cartman scoffed, reaching over Kyle's lap for the remote again.

Kyle swatted Cartman's hand away quickly. "Alright then, what's the difference between a genotype and a phenotype?"

Cartman sat back, rolling his eyes. "I heard this already. Geno is the body's guidelines and pheno is the blueprint for the guidelines."

"Wrong. That's DNA. Genotypes and phenotypes are traits, like hair color." Kyle corrected.

"Well now I know. Thank you Kyle. Can I watch TV?"

Kyle's eyebrows furrowed. This fucking guy... "You called me over to help you do your homework, but you're tuning me out to watch TV instead. The least you could do is show some god damn initiative."

Cartman stopped his munching for just a moment to raise an eyebrow. "Well Kyle, if you're so in love with homework go ahead and do it. I'm not stopping you."

Oh this again. Kyle just loved it when Cartman attempted to pull these stupid tricks on him. The type of trick where he wouldn't know if Cartman was insulting his intelligence, or if Cartman really was so stupid as to believe Kyle would fall for something that obvious.

"I'm not doing your homework for you." Kyle deadpanned. Cartman faked an exasperated scoff, only serving to make Kyle angrier.

"So what, you're just gonna sit around and do nothing while you're here?"

"That's exactly what you're doing!" Kyle growled, raising his voice. He immediately held himself back however, trying to control his anger. If there was one thing he learned over the years is that Cartman loved to make Kyle angry. It was like a game that he played; trying to find a new way to get under Kyle's skin. Kyle had gotten used to it after a while -- technically -- but it still pissed him off.

Yeah. There it was. Cartman had cracked a smile. He was so amused by Kyle's anger. Fucking asshole. Kyle took a deep breath, recomposing himself.  
"Please stop making me waste my time and put some effort into this."

To Kyle's surprise, Cartman turned to face Kyle, apparently attentive. It seemed he'd gotten what he wanted and wasn't going to aggravate Kyle anymore. For the next few minutes they were actually able to get work done. Cartman wasn't resisting at all now. He was still making snarky comments, but when he wasn't being malicious Kyle could appreciate Cartman's humor. Despite the refreshing few minutes, Kyle was completely ready for Cartman to spoil the moment with some bigoted remark. That always seemed to happen.

"So lighter hair is recessive while dark hair is dominant, I see." Cartman stroked his chin like he was thinking hard. Kyle couldn't really tell if he was playing it up, or the gesture was actually genuine, so he ended up remaining silent, letting Cartman continue. "That means there was a chance that you could've turned out with brown hair, since your dad has brown hair."

Kyle pursed his lips in irritation. He already knew where this was going. "Yeah. There was only one fourth of a chance that I'd be born with red hair, but I was. " He answered reluctantly.

Cartman clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "You poor soul," he sighed, his voice laced with the fakest sympathy Kyle had ever heard. Kyle stared at Cartman with bitter irritation in his eyes.

"Your Dad was a ginger, Cartman. You have that genotype inside you. I wouldn't be making fun of red hair if I were you since you have it in you."

This didn't actually seem to faze Cartman on any type of emotional level, but hell if Cartman wasn't gonna act like it did. "Wow Kyle, you're bringing my dad into this? That's low even for a Jew."

Oh good. Cartman had resigned to his laziest insult. "Ugh, what do you have against jews anyway... --Don't answer that." Kyle warned, seeing that Cartman was about to open his mouth to list things off. "If you really hated jews you wouldn't keep inviting me over."

Cartman smirked. "It's useful to study the jew to learn his tricks."

Kyle rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Since when do you study anything?"

"Hey. I don't study this useless book shit. I study what's important." Cartman's voice indicated he was proud of himself for this statement. Kyle figured Cartman would be one of those types; to act like he was above the standardized school work. But when Cartman did it, it just came off as lazy.

"Oh. I didn't realize I was 'important.' " Kyle retorted flatly, putting down the assignments.

Just then Kyle paused, because he saw something odd in Cartman's expression. For a passing moment Cartman's eyes looked... frightened? Nervous? Like Kyle caught him doing something embarrassing or something.

It was only in a glimpse, and Cartman's face returned to its regular indifference, but Kyle caught that look. It was the strangest thing he'd ever seen, and he wasn't sure why it happened.

"What was that?" Kyle decided to voice his concern, though his tone was amused.

Kyle wasn't just imagining things. Cartman did it again when he asked, and this time he was starting to blush. Kyle stared blatantly, slightly wide-eyed. Not only was this confusing to him, but he couldn't even remember the last time he saw Cartman blush. It was something Cartman never ever did.

Cartman turned his face away from Kyle, hiding his expression. Though by this point his ears were red so Kyle could still tell Cartman was blushing. Cartman forced out an irritated sigh. "Y'know if you're just gonna sit here and nag me-- you may as well go home." Cartman's voice was wavering slightly with uncertainty.

Kyle blinked in surprise, registering Cartman's words. But still he stared, unmoving, wanting some sort of explanation. "You're blushing." Kyle pointed out flatly. "Why--"

"Get out, Kyle!" Cartman snapped, jumping to his feet and glaring. Kyle stared incredulously for a moment, before an angry expression overtook his face.

"Ugh, you're fucking ridiculous." Kyle groaned, draping his jacket over his shoulder. He quickly packed up his backpack without another word, leaving the house. Kyle scraped his heels on the pavement on the sidewalk, absentmindedly kicking a pebble on his walk home. It being the beginning of May meant Kyle didn't have to put his jacket on, and the cool breeze of the air helped him to relax a little bit, sort out his thoughts.

He was not about to pretend he didn't understand the implication of that. After a suggestion that Cartman thought Kyle was important, Cartman started blushing. It was obvious what that implied. Painfully obvious.

But still, holy shit. For him to blush like that. It was something Kyle would have a hard time imagining if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. Eric Cartman, blushing. Maybe he was focusing on the wrong thing though. Cartman basically just admitted to liking Kyle. Maybe not on purpose, maybe not in words, but it was obvious now.

Kyle tried to put that together in his head. Cartman, the guy who loved to drive Kyle insane just to see him angry ...Cartman liked him? How? Why? It all seemed too accidental for this to be a trick. So what the fuck just happened? How the fuck was this possible?

Kyle wasn't supposed to be going home yet. He'd planned to stay over at Cartman's house for at least another 30 minutes. Naturally he texted his best friend Stan, letting him know that he was coming over.

Kyle felt like he had to warn Stan when he was visiting these days. He was still close, and they were still neighbors, it was just that lately Stan would have Wendy over in his room and he didn't want to walk in on them.

Ugh, those two. Ever since Stan and Wendy turned seventeen they'd been humping like rabbits. It was especially annoying when Kyle was trying to do his own _thing_ and he could hear Wendy mewling from next door.

You'd think a woman moaning like that would be at least somewhat of a turn on. But it wasn't -- not for Kyle.

Stan was the one to answer the door when Kyle knocked. They went to Stan's room to play videogames. Eventually, Kyle mentioned what had happened over at Cartman's house.

"I still feel weird about it."

To Kyle's surprise, Stan laughed. "I was wondering when he'd do something like that again."

Kyle looked over to Stan, confused. "Again? What do you mean again?"

Stan stared blankly at Kyle, then smiled again, apprehensively this time. "You serious? Come on, he's been flirting with you since the fourth grade."

Kyle frowned, sighing. He'd remembered Cartman being very suggestive towards him when they were younger. Of course he did. But still. "I'm pretty sure he was just trying to piss me off."

"By telling you he loved you?"

Kyle's lips parted open in mild surprise. He wasn't sure if Stan was serious by mentioning that. "You mean when he was trying to make it seem like I was gay so that Nichole wouldn't want to get with me?" Kyle asked, his tone sounding guarded.

"Yeah. It speaks for itself, doesn't it?"

"Stan, I told you before. He didn't want us together because he's a racist piece of shit who doesn't want blacks and whites dating." Kyle growled, not believing he had to repeat himself again.

After Kyle's statement they focused on their video game, playing silently. However, this only lasted a few seconds. "He didn't seem to care when Token was dating Wendy." Stan remarked, attempting to sound harmless.

"Ugh, Stan,"

"What? All I'm saying is that Cartman being attracted to you is the most obvious thing in the world. I can't believe you didn't see it."

Kyle sighed heavily, admitting defeat. "I didn't see it because I thought he was just trying to piss me off or trick me into coming out or something."

"Hahaha, I really doubt he even suspected you were gay back then. He was just really really gay for you dude." Stan replied.

"Okay, I get it."

"What are you gonna do now that you know, anyway?" Stan asked.

"I don't know. Probably nothing. He seemed pretty embarrassed about it. He'll probably act like it never happened. Whatever."

"Aw, poor Cartman." Stan said casually. Kyle frowned.

"He's Cartman. And anyways, he'll get over it."

"Yeahhh, that's what I thought too. But it's been seven years and he still hasn't gotten over that little crush on you."

Kyle covered his face. Here Stan was feeling sorry for Cartman, trying to make Kyle feel more sympathetic than he should. It was working, to Kyle's dismay. "Stan... don't do this to me."

Stan laughed, patting Kyle on the shoulder. "Relax, Kyle. You're stressing way too much over this."

Kyle breathed in deeply. "Yeah, you're right."

What was he even thinking, getting worked up over this. If Cartman had always had a crush on Kyle then this didn't change anything between them. Kyle was just aware of the crush now. They could just act like it never happened and go back to normal.

It was a Wednesday; a school night, so Kyle made sure to leave Stan's house before the sun went down. His parents were strict about that. Stan and Kyle hadn't been talking about Cartman anymore, but Kyle was still thinking about it. The idea was just so strange to him. Cartman was so consistently spiteful towards him, so of course he hadn't bothered to consider that he might have a crush on him.

 The more Kyle thought about it though, the more obvious it became. Those memories were the type of childhood memories that didn't seem to be put together so easily until he really started thinking about them.

There was so much to think about now. So many memories to go through. Kyle spent about an hour lying in bed that night, just thinking about how everything fit together so perfectly. All the signs pointed to one answer. Cartman had obviously had a crush on Kyle, all these years. Kyle's stared into the blackness of his room, being unsure of how to feel about that. He was still trying to wrap his head around it.

\--

Thursday morning finally came and Kyle approached the bus stop, still boggled. He still felt odd about knowing that Cartman had a crush on him for seven fucking years. And he'd see Cartman at the bus stop too. Hopefully he wouldn't make a fuss.

When Kyle got to the bus stop he noticed Cartman was at the end. But he didn't say anything to him. Kyle was never the first to say something in their conversations, and though he was curious about how Cartman was going to react now, he wasn't just going to try and initiate. It would seem too weird. Kyle didn't want that. He wanted things to just go back to normal.

Kyle made idle conversation with Stan while they waited for the bus stop. He'd noticed that Cartman still hadn't said a word. Not even a joke, or a single snicker. He was completely silent... God, was he really gonna be like this?

The school day passed quickly, a surprisingly peaceful day. That was new to Kyle. When Kyle asked Stan and Kenny, he'd learned Cartman hadn't spoken to any of the boys at all. At lunch Kyle caught him talking to Butters about something. He'd guessed it wasn't anything about yesterday because Cartman didn't seem tense at all while talking to Butters about it.

A whole day without bickering with Cartman. Wow.

Kyle didn't expect it to last long, however. It'd only be a matter of time before Cartman recovered from his embarrassment. Cartman wasn't the type to stay embarrassed about anything for too long. The guy had no shame. So for now Kyle decided to savor the peace and quiet while it lasted.

A few days passed by, and Cartman had said very few words to Kyle. Nothing substantial. Kyle had him in Biology, Speech and German 2. Kyle agreed to take German as his second language because Cartman was already fluent in German. It was a sort of exchange for Kyle helping him with Biology and Algebra.

During Cartman's 'silent treatment' Kyle had decided to ask him for a few tips on German, despite the fact that Kyle already knew most of it at this point. Kind of testing the waters. Cartman answered Kyle's questions with a flat tone, not even looking at Kyle. He seemed... disinterested. And for some reason, that really bothered Kyle. But knowing Cartman, this silent act could be part of a ruse. Kyle just had to wait it out; wait for Cartman to return to normal. The last thing Kyle wanted to do was react.

A total of 3 weeks passed by... it was the slowest week Kyle had ever experienced. Kyle had resigned to playing videogames with Stan lately. More than he usually had. Usually Cartman would've called Stan, Kyle and Kenny over to do something stupid with him, and Kyle would reluctantly partake in it. It was always ridiculous, but it was always something new.

Now... the days seemed to blend together. A mass of monotony.

"You have to destroy the turrets first though..." Stan said, explaining a game to Kyle over teamspeak. Kyle made a sound of acknowledgement, though he was obviously not focused, Stan noticed. "What's up, Kyle?"

"Nothing, this game is kinda boring..."

Stan laughed in response. "It won't be when you actually get into it. Trust me, it gets pretty intense." He said casually.

Kyle frowned, clicking absently in silence. After a few more moments, he sighed. "Has Cartman been talking to you at all?"

"No, not really. Why?"

"...It just seems weird for him to be this quiet. It's been three weeks since he's even attempted to hang out with us." Kyle remarked, sounding increasingly more frustrated.

"Three weeks? Really? I guess I haven't noticed." Stan's tone was completely nonchalant. He really didn't care. Not as much as Kyle did, obviously. "I'm seeing Butters less and less lately," Stan added. "He's probably made Butters start hanging out with him instead."

"Of course he did. They're probably planning to do something fucked up, too." Kyle agreed, idly playing the game. He was supposed to be focused on learning this game since Stan wanted him to play it, but he was too distracted. And the fact that he was distracted pissed him off, and being pissed off distracted him more.

"You think that's why Cartman's being so quiet?" Stan suggested.

"Probably. That's probably why he's only hanging out with Butters. They're probably doing something awful. Butters is so gullible he'll go with anything Cartman says." Kyle agreed. As he said this he unconsciously gritted his back row of teeth.

"Haha, maybe Cartman's rebounding using Butters or something." Stan joked. Kyle's clicking hand flinched when Stan said that.

Soon Kyle felt freaked out, noting that his stomach had just knotted up. He immediately felt angry at himself. He couldn't believe for a second that he was upset that Cartman was intentionally avoiding him, that he was spending his time with Butters now. It couldn't be that. It couldn't be fucking jealousy. He just missed Cartman was all.

...That wasn't much better. Why the fuck would he miss Cartman? ..What the hell was he thinking..? ....What the hell was he _feeling?_

"Kyle move, you're getting killed by the minions." Stan remarked in amusement. Kyle silently moved his character away from danger, being lost in his own thoughts. When Kyle hadn't responded to Stan's amusement, Stan's mood drooped a little. "Jesus, you're really out of it."

__

Tuesday rolled around, again, at an incredibly sluggish pace. Kyle's interaction with Cartman today was incredibly minimal, but this time also by Kyle's will. Like the silence in itself was some kind of game to see who would break first.

It was fucking ridiculous that Kyle even missed their interactions. That was the most annoying thing about this whole thing. Kyle had no problem getting along at home or in classes that he didn't have Cartman. But when Cartman was around there was some kind of inexplicable restlessness. A feeling of anticipation, waiting for Cartman to open his mouth to say something stupid. Something Kyle could retort to. But nothing came. Not a single bigoted remark. And when Cartman was silent, everything seemed off. It was frustrating how frustrating the entire situation was. What the fuck, Kyle was getting irritated that Cartman wasn't trying to irritate him. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Once school was over, Kyle decided to go with Stan and Kenny to the basketball court. It was something Kyle was always good at, and maybe it'd make him feel less bored. As he played it more and more, he began to feel a rush, something he'd needed for a while. It felt good. It felt like he needed this. They played it for a while, Kyle letting the adrenaline flow through his body. He'd missed it for so long.

Kyle took a shot, and it was blocked by Kenny. "Fuck! You kidding me?!" Kyle shouted, more energy coming out than he'd intended. He calmed down a little bit, catching himself.

"Agh, that was gonna be perfect."

Kenny paused for a moment, thinking he'd done something wrong.

"Kyle, calm down." Stan said, raising his eyebrow. "Why're you so aggressive?"

Taking a deep breath, Kyle fanned his shirt. "...My bad. Sorry Kenny. I'm... just kinda hyped up I guess."

Kenny held a blank look on his face, then shrugging.

"Are you sure you okay? You seem pretty tense." Stan asked, touching Kyle's shoulder.

"I'm fine," Kyle insisted. His voice was a bit stern. "Come on, let's keep playing." Just as Kyle went to pick up the basketball again a droplet of drizzle hit his hand. Kyle flinched from the feel of the moisture. In a matter of seconds a light drizzle drifted over the basketball court. Kyle gave an exasperated groan. "Oh god, really?!"

Stan sighed. "Well, it's getting late anyway... let's get to the bus stop before this rain gets any heavier."

Kyle sighed to himself. Oh well... his exhaustion should keep any aggression he had at bay for now. Kyle looked at the darkening sky. The sun was going to set soon. It was better that he stopped anyway...

He'd freaked himself out with the spike of energy he had. He needed a better outlet for stress. Kyle followed his friends to the bus stop. Stan and Kenny talked amongst themselves, being completely laid back.

Those two were so... relaxed. Something Kyle didn't seem to have the luxury of lately. All he had was agitation that built up on itself. Kyle silently thought to himself, thought of ways to calm himself down. When he got home, he'd probably need to relieve stress...

Once they were at the bus stop Kyle was snapped out of his thoughts, seeing two familiar faces. Butters and Cartman stood at the bus stop together under the canopy. Butters was holding bags in both his hands, and when Kyle caught his eye, Butters' eyes shifted back and forth. He seemed to turn to Cartman and whisper something under his breath. Cartman's expression changed from distant to mild surprise. He gave a quick glance to Kyle, then whispering something to Butters. Butters nodded.

Now Kyle's eyes were locked on Cartman, and he decidedly approached the two. As he stepped up to the two boys, Butters looked worried. Kyle didn't even bother looking at Butters; his eyes went right to Cartman. "What are you doing?" Kyle asked flatly.

"Waiting for the bus." Cartman faked a nonchalant tone, not making any eye contact with Kyle. Kyle glared at him. He was seriously still ignoring Kyle. Why the fuck? This had to be some sort of plan to make Kyle look stupid or something. The very thought angered Kyle. He looked down at the bags.

"Don't give me that. You two were acting suspicious a second ago. You're planning to do something, aren't you?" Kyle jabbed his finger at Cartman in an accusatory gesture. It seemed to catch Cartman's attention, making their gazes meet. The look in Cartman's eyes seemed more resentful than it usually seemed.

Cartman scoffed as if he was offended by Kyle's accusation. "What are you talking about? We just went shopping."

"Oh Really. For," Kyle paused, checking inside Butters' bag. "Lamination and cheap xbox games?"

"I-It's for a project," Butters said a little too quickly. Kyle's eyes narrowed on Cartman.

"What are you _doing?_ " Kyle repeated sternly. He knew this wasn't for a fucking project.

"It's not your problem, Kyle," Cartman said the name spitefully. "Just because you have a big jew nose doesn't mean you have to stick it in everyone else's business."

Kyle glared harshly at Cartman. "Like I'm just gonna let you get away with something immoral just because it's 'not my problem!' "

"Like Butters said, it's a project!"

Kyle crossed his arms. "For what?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, pursing his lips. Apparently he was unable to answer. Butters tugged on Cartman's sleeve. "Eric, you're doing it again." Cartman's expression seemed to go blank then. Kyle stared at Butters, then Cartman. Doing what again?

Fuck it, that wasn't important. "You really think just because you're avoiding me I'm not gonna care that you're pushing Butters into your fucked up plans?" Kyle chided.

"Pff, I'm not avoiding you." Cartman scoffed, refusing to meet Kyle's gaze again. Cartman's expression grew a little anxious.

"Oh please! Do you think I'm stupid?! You've been avoiding me for weeks!" Kyle shouted. "You've been avoiding me ever since I found out you--"

Cartman slapped his hand over Kyle's mouth, muffling his speech. "Shut the fuck up, Jew!" He growled, squeezing his fingers on Kyle's face. His face was beaming red now. "You didn't find out shit about me! God I fucking hate you!"

Kyle shoved Cartman's hand away. "Like hell you do! Just admit it, Cartman! You have a crush on me!"

The two were making eye contact now, both of them scowling. Kyle had been hoping that Cartman would sort this out himself, to put the issue to rest. He wasn't about to let this be drawn out any further. If Kyle said it to his face, maybe he'd just learn to deal with it. To just let everything return to the usual, the way it naturally was. Not this awkward silent treatment.

No such luck. Before Kyle knew it Cartman had spit on him.

Right on his fucking face.

Kyle flinched at the dampness, then looked at Cartman wide-eyed. Cartman's scowl was still present. "Would I do that to someone I liked? Fuck off, Kyle."

Before Kyle could even think he'd already thrown his first punch. In a blur of rage he threw punch after punch, pushing Cartman out into the rain, which was particularly heavy now. Kyle was letting himself get soaked, but hell if he was about to let Cartman -- ANYONE spit on his fucking face. After a few more swings Cartman finally started trying to reciprocate, trying to grab Kyle and hold him down. Kyle slipped out of Cartman's grasp easily, forcing Cartman to the ground.

They ended up on the wet pavement, the back of Cartman's head in a puddle where Kyle held him down. Kyle held Cartman still by his arms, glaring down at him. They were both out of breath, huffing and panting as the rain beat down on them.

Kyle gripped Cartman's face roughly, leaning forward. "You don't fucking spit on me," He hissed in a low, threatening voice. "Got it?"

Cartman gave no response. He simply stared back at Kyle, trying to ease his panting. When Kyle decided he made his point, he let go of Cartman, shifting to get off of him. While moving he'd become more aware that his lower body had been pressed against something particularly firm, and his heartbeat seemed to stutter. Kyle froze there, knowing exactly what he was feeling and letting his thoughts flood in response.

There wasn't anger, or repulsion. There should have been. Kyle's thoughts were a jumbled mess; just a rush of confusion.

He shoved himself off of Cartman leaving him on the ground, unable to think or react to what just happened. He walked back to Stan and Kenny with a blank look on his face. Stan stared at Kyle, concerned.

"...You okay Kyle?" Stan asked cautiously. "...Christ, you're drenched."

Kyle nodded. His breath was still uneasy. "I'm better now. ..I think I needed that. ...To let off some steam."

Kyle slowly came more to his senses, coming down from the second rush he'd experienced that day. He seemed to feel particularly aggressive today. God, what was wrong with him? He must've been going crazy. He followed Stan and Kenny onto the bus, becoming silently lost in his thoughts. Maybe.. maybe he just had a lot of bottled up stress.

Yeah, that was it, wasn't it? Having Cartman around was just good stress relief. Stress relief from his strict parents, from idiots adults Kyle spoke to every day and had to pretend they weren't idiots. With Cartman Kyle could call him out on his idiocy. He didn't have to pretend. That's all he was feeling. All he was missing was the relief of being able to tell him off.

...Yet, even after beating the crap out of Cartman, Kyle really hadn't felt any better. Once the rush was gone, he felt empty again. That part was new to Kyle. Usually when Kyle fought with Cartman the rush was there, but not this emptiness. Usually... Usually Kyle wasn't left wondering if Cartman would talk to him the next day.

\--

A few hours passed. Kyle finally managed to clear his head once Stan came over to play games again. He could push that listlessness to the back of his mind for a while and enjoy himself with his best friend. It got late, and Stan left, and Kyle was left in the solitude of his room.

Since the basketball court he'd been thinking about relieving himself when he got home. Kyle sat at his computer, browsing through his usual sites as his hand went to his zipper. The monitor's screen reflected off of Kyle's fixated eyes as he started to stroke himself. This would help him relieve his stress. He'd just get off from the usual stuff.  
He'd glanced back at his door a couple of times during. He'd locked his door but he was still slightly nervous. The last thing he wanted to happen was for his parents to find him jerking off to porn -- gay porn, no less.

Surprisingly the idea that Cartman was gay too gave him comfort in these moments. Kyle found solace in the idea that someone in his age group was the same as him. Liked what he liked.

That especially was confirmed today. The fact that Cartman got hard from Kyle being on top of him...

A twinge of arousal pulsed in Kyle's body when that thought entered his mind. He found his thoughts halting then, seriously wondering why thinking about Cartman was turning him on. Kyle's vision went out of focus, no longer looking at the images on the screen. Not looking at anything in particular.

The memory was fresh in his mind; how Cartman's hardness felt against Kyle's thigh. Through the memory he could practically feel it, how his leg rubbed up against it. Kyle was hit with another pulse of pleasure, and he involuntarily squirmed.

Fuck... he was really about to get off to this, wasn't he? He decided against stopping, continuing to stroke himself to the thoughts. He could feel his heartbeat picking up. He could feel heat collecting in his face. Shit, why was he reacting like this..? He never got this way over porn. Even when the porn stars were smoking hot, he never blushed. So why, why, _why_ over Cartman? It felt absolutely insane.

But fuck, it felt incredible too. Even while scolding himself Kyle throbbed hard in his hand, and he knew he couldn't help it.

Kyle shut his eyes, remembering the moment vividly. The sight of Cartman under him, looking up at him, his soaked hair clinging to his forehead. His dilated pupils, his engaged stare and his panting breath. His.. fucking hard on. A powerful tingling traveled Kyle's body, from his erection to his chest, building and burning. ...What was going through Cartman's mind back then? His thoughts in those moments where their bodies were pressed together? When Kyle moved his thigh against his erection?

Fuck... Cartman probably touched himself to Kyle before. He probably did it in his room, thinking of what he'd like to do to Kyle, cumming to those fantasies...

Kyle's lips parted in a shivering gasp, being sent over the edge by those thoughts. He grabbed a tissue and spilled his cum into it, his soft, slight moan sounding alien to him. Kyle never moaned when jacking off to porn. Not even a little. But here he was, getting off to a memory. Of Cartman of all people. As the lovely feeling of arousal seeped out of Kyle, he was left with a strange feeling.

He'd known Cartman all his life. Of course it was going to feel strange having just jacked off to him. But even still, he wasn't completely repulsed. Just somewhere in between repulsion and desire. A type of raw want. His thoughts conflicting with his body.

Kyle sat back with his palm over his chest, slowing his breath to a calm pace. His attention was finally brought back to the screen of the porn that was still going, and ended up pausing it. Reality seemed to come back to him now, and he started thinking more and more. What was Kyle going to do about this?

It didn't matter that Kyle was, for some god forsaken reason, sexually aroused by those thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to like Cartman.

\--

Kyle thanked God for the drowsiness that happened after orgasms. He wasn't sure he would've been able to sleep so well that night otherwise, with those thoughts in his head. It seemed to be some kind of cruel joke that Kyle had a vivid dream that night and woke up to a rock hard boner. Fuck, he never should've indulged those thoughts last night. He should've pushed it out of his mind and just gotten off to porn like a normal person. But it was just so tempting. It seriously felt like Kyle's body was pulling some sort of prank on him.

That Wednesday morning Kyle stood at the bus stop with his friends, his gaze locked on his feet. He didn't even want to look at Cartman right now. Kyle wasn't sure what kind of shit his body would pull on him if he did. He didn't know what the fuck was up with his body right now. Or what was up with him lately, in general...

During one of their classes, Stan remarked on how quiet Kyle was that day. That's only because he was thinking way too much to even try to hold a conversation. It's not like he could say what he was thinking about either. He couldn't even hint at it with Stan. Stan would know exactly what was up, and Kyle wasn't sure he wanted Stan to know that.  
But at the same time, he felt he had to talk to someone about it.

Lunch time came around. Cartman was sitting with his usual group, Butters, Craig, Clyde. Stan had started sitting with Wendy more and more, and Kyle wasn't sure he wanted to be around those lovebirds right now. So when he collected his lunch he went over to Kenny, asking if they could sit somewhere else. Kenny nodded, following Kyle to a different table, one where no one else was sitting.

"What's up?" Kenny asked when they sat down. Kyle looked nervously at him, a bit hesitant to even say it.

"I... need to ask you about something. Advice." Kyle answered. He took a deep breath. He'd never asked anyone about personal things of a sexual nature. Thankfully Kenny was a patient guy; he just sat there silently waiting for Kyle to continue. "So uh... do you know if it's possible to be attracted to some...thing... because of uh, childhood memories or something?"

Kenny stared blankly at Kyle, simply blinking in response. "...Yeah, that sounds possible. I think a lot of fetishes start that way."

"Ugh-- no no-- not a fetish." Kyle said, ducking his face slightly. "Like... well... to be attracted to a person, but... inexplicably."

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "To ...be attracted to a person because of childhood memories?"

Kyle covered his face, feeling it heat up beneath his palms. "...Yeah. Except, they're bad childhood memories. " He replied, his voice muffled through his hands. He lifted his face, mustering the guts to elaborate. "Like the person pisses me off but I'm attracted to them."

From the look in Kenny's eyes, Kyle saw that he was studying Kyle's body language, trying to figure him out. "Is it only physically?"

"...Uh. That's debatable." Kyle answered honestly. "But I definitely know I'm physically attracted to him. --Them." Kyle was mentally kicking himself for that slip up, cursing himself silently. Great... he just told Kenny he was gay.

Kenny stared a bit questioningly, but only for a moment. Kyle was silently relieved that that didn't matter to Kenny. Kenny pondered the subject thoughtully. "Well maybe the only reason they piss you off so much is because you're attracted to them."

"No, trust me, I have every reason to be pissed off at this person." Kyle insisted, though reluctant.

"...Oh." Kenny murmured. Then he paused, blinking rapidly, his face growing concerned. "...Wait. ..are you talking about..?"

Kyle averted his eyes from Kenny. He supposed it was obvious to him. A guy that he didn't want to like that pissed him off. His face turned red quickly. "...I don't know what to do about it."

Kenny still seemed stuck in disbelief. "Just so we're clear, you like ..." Kenny found himself unable to form words.

Kyle stared at Kenny with a frustrated, guilty expression. He supposed there was no use in dancing around the subject now. Kenny had already figured it out. "Cartman," Kyle finished for him, his voice as quiet as it could possibly be without being inaudible. Kenny turned his eyes down, his brow furrowing slightly.

"Why?" He asked, looking up at Kyle.

"I don't know!" Kyle hissed under his breath. "That's what I'm trying to figure out!" Kenny sat back against his chair, pursing his lips while thinking. Kyle figured he was still taking it in. Hell, Kyle himself was still taking it in."What should I do, Kenny?"

"If it were anybody else, I'd say fuckin try it out." Kenny answered, shaking his head. "Cartman though... maybe you should just keep it to yourself."

"Yeah, probably..." Kyle slumped in his seat and released a slightly relieved sigh. At least he got some of it off his chest... Thank god for Kenny. He probably still silently judged Kyle inside, but at least he wasn't giving him tons of crap for being attracted to Cartman. Kyle was already giving himself enough shit for that.

Kenny had a good point. Kyle was definitely going to just keep it to himself. Kyle didn't want to be attracted to someone like Cartman. The last thing he wanted to do was indulge it.

After lunch, Kyle was back in German 2. He had to be especially reclusive here, since Cartman sat right beside him. His eyes stayed glued to his work, and he went over the textbook. It's a good thing they were just reading today. Kyle wouldn't be able to bring himself to ask for advice now. Despite trying to focus on his work, he still felt agitated. He'd remembered a time in German 1 where he started recognizing words -- words that he'd heard Cartman said before.

He mentioned this to Cartman while they were studying them, back then. When Cartman told him what 'wunderhübsch' meant, he was somewhat cranky about it.  
That memory had become much more significant to Kyle now. Cartman's grumpiness made much more sense. Kyle had known for a while that Cartman used the word to describe him at one point, but he'd shrugged it off as Cartman being quirky. But since Cartman had reacted so oddly when Kyle asked him, he now saw a different meaning in the words. It seemed like Kyle had missed so many hints Cartman had thrown him.

Kyle clenched the edge of the book, feeling his heart give a slight throb. God dammit. How was he going to do this every day? How was he going to ignore Cartman yet begrudgingly miss him at the same time? Kyle stood from his seat, asking to be excused. The teacher easily granted him permission and he quickly left the classroom.  
He didn't even need to go to the bathroom, but he went anyway. He just needed to be alone somewhere. Even if he didn't come to some kind of epiphany, he would at least be able to clear his head for a little bit. He got to a sink, immediately splashing his face with water. He always felt like his face was overheating lately. He prayed to God that this was his imagination. Out of the corner of his eye, Kyle saw Butters just finishing at the urinal. He turned off the sink, looking up at Butters.

"Oh, hey Kyle." Butters greeted nonchalantly when he saw Kyle face him.

"Butters. You haven't been hanging around lately." Kyle mentioned, his tone flat.

"Oh, well me n' Eric have been hanging out more lately."

"Making more scams, huh?" Kyle asked, nonchalant. Butters averted his eyes upon accusation. Kyle frowned. "You think you'd learn to stay away from Cartman after all the shit he's dragged you into."

"W-Well, it's not hurting anyone this time..." Butters said lamely. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Is that what he told you? God, he always finds a way to justify things to you."

Butters frowned. "Hey, I'm serious this time, Kyle. This one isn't even that bad!"

"What is it?" Kyle asked firmly, looking Butters in the eye. Butters faltered slightly.

"I... I'm not supposed to tell you."

Kyle crossed his arms. "I thought it wasn't that bad. What's wrong with telling me? Unless it is bad."

Butters shook his head. "It's not bad, but I'm not supposed to tell you."

"That's not very convincing." Kyle chided. Butters fidgeted, pursing his lips.

"Well look," Butters started nervously. Kyle was now attentive, knowing that he got it out of him. "You know that new Metal Gear game coming out that everyone's going crazy about? Cartman and I are making copies of the cover art with his new copy. And we're putting the cover art on third party games and selling them to kids in Denver."

Kyle stared blankly at Butters for a moment or two. Just cheating kids out of their money. That was really small-time for Cartman... but still. "Don't you feel bad at all for those kids you're cheating?"

"Well it's good for them. Better if we teach them to be more.. perceptive while they're young, you know?" Butters reasoned.

"That's Cartman talking." Kyle remarked flatly. When Butters looked away with a conflicted expression, Kyle sighed. "I'll see you later, Butters."

"U-uhm,"

Before Butters could get another word in Kyle walked out of the bathroom. That was all he really needed to hear. Kyle doubted he'd usually go after Cartman for something as small as this, but it'd be a good excuse to patch up their friendship. He wouldn't mention the crush this time. Maybe if Cartman argued with Kyle about something minor, he'd miss their petty rivalry too. The way Kyle did.

As soon as school ended, Kyle headed home. He did all of his chores thoroughly, and by the time it was seven Kyle was out of the house, off to visit Cartman. The thing he was worried about the most is that he would be out reasoned by Cartman. The con he had going sounded kind of similar to the types of things Kyle would do as a kid. Like that whole agent scam they did when they were kids. Kyle didn't really find this scheme that diabolical. But he had to make sure that Cartman didn't know that.

When Kyle knocked on Cartman's front door he was predictably greeted by Cartman's mother, Liane. She was smiling as always. "Oh, good evening Kyle. So nice to see you again," Liane cooed.

"Hi," Kyle said plainly. "Can I have a talk with Cartman?"

"Oh sure, he's in his room." Liane smiled, allowing Kyle in.

"Thanks." Kyle quickly walked upstairs to Cartman's room. Surprisingly the door was open. He found Cartman sitting at his desk, focused on whatever he was doing on his computer. Kyle quietly shut the door. On Cartman's desk were a stack of game covers, their labels already switched out with the metal gear label. "How many trips to Denver have you made?" Kyle asked, speaking suddenly.

Cartman's movements slowed to a stop, and he looked over his shoulder at Kyle. His expression was unreadable from where Kyle was standing. Cartman sat back in his office chair a little, groaning. "Fucking Butters..."

"You might want to find a better partner. Y'know, one that doesn't squeal so easily." Kyle suggested, his tone flat.

"What are you doing here?" Cartman asked, sounding frustrated and somewhat tired. The knots in Kyle's stomach reappeared. For Cartman to sound lacking in energy during an argument was off.

"What do you think? I figured you out. Now I can tell all those kids in Denver about how you've been screwing them over." Kyle answered.

"Oh. I didn't realize that my room was Denver." Cartman deadpanned with sarcasm. "If you're done boasting, there's the door."

Kyle frowned. "...You're not even gonna try to stop me?"

Cartman's eyes went to Kyle's, blinking, confused. "What the fuck are you talking about, Kyle?"

"Since when have you ever given up this easily?"

Cartman turned back to his computer. "Whatever, do what you want. I'm not playing your stupid game."

" _My_ stupid game?!" Kyle's shout caught Cartman slightly off guard. "It's always been _your_ stupid game! I'm always the one playing the games that you fucking start!"

Cartman stared incredulously at Kyle, blinking a few times before he could respond. "Well then you should be happy, 'cause I'm not playing anymore!"

"Why not? Because I found out that you liked me?" Kyle asked, his voice flaring with frustration. Cartman stared at the floor while Kyle continued. "I don't care if you like me! I hate this! All I want is everything to go back to normal! Is that so much to ask?!"

"I don't want things to go back to normal!" Cartman growled, standing up. He picked up on Kyle's surprised expression, which pissed him off even more. "You really think that I can go back to just fucking hanging out, acting like there's nothing wrong?! You said it yourself; you don't care if I like you! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?! Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at someone you enjoyed being around and have that all ruined because you know that they don't like you back?!"

Cartman's voice was weakening slightly, and he balled his hands into fists. "At least when it wasn't out in the open, I could pretend that maybe one day you'd like me back. I could fool myself that I had a chance. But I can't talk to you anymore! I can't look at your fucking face without remembering that you don't care that I like you!" Kyle's eyes immediately softened, his anger vanishing completely. He stared at Cartman's flustered appearance, seeing a pained look mixed with his scowl. Cartman mussed his own hair in frustration, growling. "God it's like you're fucking mocking me! Why do you even want to keep hanging out?! You should be happy that I'm not fucking with you anymore!"

Cartman spilling his heart out like this was something Kyle never expected to hear. He felt his heart fluttering at Cartman's words. For him to be honest like this was a rarity. To show vulnerability to Kyle. Kyle's eyes remained on Cartman, his lids lowering slightly. "Quit saying I should be happy. You have no idea what I want."

"Well shit, what the fuck  _do_ you want, Kyle? Enlighten me." Cartman scoffed in a slight growl.

That was a good question. Kyle wasn't even sure what he wanted. There were fragments, bits and pieces of certainty, things he knew he wanted. As a whole, he wasn't sure. The only thing he knew right now... was that those pieces had something to do with Cartman. Kyle stepped further towards Cartman, now standing right infront of him. Cartman's eyes softened, looking confused.

"I wanna try something." Kyle said in a quiet voice. He placed his hands on Cartman's shoulders. As soon as he made that small bit of contact Kyle's heart jolted to life, beginning to pound. It was frightening, yet encouraging. He supposed Kenny's advice had just been thrown out the window. He pulled his face close, and Cartman flinched back a little, wide eyed. Kyle paused for a moment. He could feel his face growing hot, but he didn't want to pull away. His eyes met Cartman's, watching his pupils slowly grow fuller the longer he stared into them. It created a strange effect, as if Kyle was being pulled in.

Kyle's lips pressing to Cartman's was practically a natural reaction at that point. The contact was soft and slight -- the fact that it still felt so intense was strange and amazing. Some type of satisfying. Kyle could feel Cartman's lips twitch beneath his own and he felt him gasp sharply. Cartman seemed unsure of how to react. Kyle pulled away slightly, taking in the look of Cartman's red face. He wondered if he'd ever get used to the look of such a vulnerable expression from this guy. Kyle bumped their noses together lightly, giving Cartman an obvious look of want.

"Kiss back," Kyle murmured softly, leaning into another kiss. Cartman surprisingly obeyed Kyle's command, moving his lips in a stuttery rhythm against Kyle's. A tingle went up Kyle's spine in reaction and his hands found Cartman's hair, threading his fingers through it while they kissed. He felt Cartman react to his touch with a shudder while their lips were locked. Cartman's eyelashes brushed softly against Kyle's cheek as he shut them. These were such new sensations. It felt so gratifying, all of it, and there seemed to be this building excitement within Kyle's stomach.

Their lips parted again and Kyle urged Cartman to sit on the edge of his bed, their eyes never leaving each other even as Kyle sat between Cartman's legs. Cartman released a sharp exhale as Kyle rubbed up against him, their chests against each other, both of their hearts pounding. Kyle shut his eyes and pressed his lips firmly to Cartman's, his hands on either side of Cartman's face. He felt Cartman's hands on his shoulders, gripping tentatively. The closeness of their bodies ignited a pooling warmth in Kyle's stomach. During the kiss he inch his tongue out slightly, pressing it against Cartman's lower lip. Kyle loved the reaction he got; the slight curl of Cartman's fingers on his shoulders, the way Cartman's shaky gasp sounded as he parted his lips open.

Kyle hadn't used his tongue before with anyone. It was surprisingly arousing, though he didn't know what he was expecting. The way their tongues slid against one another intensified the feeling in his body. This was definitely part of he wanted, Kyle decided. The kissing got even better when Cartman released a slight moan into Kyle's mouth, and Kyle's body burned with want. Kyle never thought he'd be able to call something Cartman did cute, but that sound he'd just heard definitely was. He wanted to hear more of it. Kyle broke the kiss, giving them both a moment to breathe. But only a moment.

Soon his fingers were on Cartman's belt buckle, undoing his pants. Cartman's eyes were big again, nervous, staring in disbelief. "R-really..?" He uttered breathily. The quality of his aroused voice was so delicious.

"Really," Kyle answered simply, his hand gliding over Cartman's tented boxers, stroking lightly. Cartman's thighs tensed from the touch, another shivery breath escaping his lips. It amazed Kyle that Cartman was getting this worked up from just a touch. Kyle slipped his hand under the fabric, touching the bare flesh. Cartman was almost fully hard, twitching in Kyle's hand and breathing out an excited moan. The idea that Cartman was being driven crazy by just this... he must've wanted Kyle so badly.

Letting his inhibitions go was much easier with Cartman like this. The look in his eyes; Cartman was practically begging Kyle to touch him. Kyle easily obliged, bringing his hand back and forth over Cartman's erection, pumping slowly. Cartman clenched the sheets, withholding his moans, pursing his lips and watching Kyle's hand. It didn't take long before Cartman couldn't help making noise again. He was getting incredibly wet from this. His precum was dripping all over Kyle's fingers, moaning with nearly each stroke. Kyle made eye contact with half lidded eyes.

"Do I turn you on that much?" He asked in a low, sultry voice. Cartman's eyes nearly rolled back before he shut them, shuddering and parting his lips to say something.

"Shut up," Cartman gasped feebly, his voice barely audible, most of the sound in his breath. Kyle released a slight breathless laugh. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't turned on as hell by this. He started pumping Cartman's cock with a much more fluid motion, making Cartman's breath more rapid. It didn't take long until he came into Kyle's hand, moaning through the pulses.

While the haze was still in Cartman's system Kyle pinned Cartman to the bed, climbing ontop of him and mashing their lips together sloppily. It didn't seem like either of them cared. Cartman rested his hands on Kyle's back and Kyle rubbed his hard-on against Cartman's thigh during the kiss. He was already on the edge from watching Cartman, so Cartman rubbing his thigh back against Kyle was all the friction he needed to finish. Kyle panted harshly into Cartman's mouth as he came, his kissing becoming lazier as he slipped into that post-orgasm high.

After a few more seconds of making out, Kyle rolled off of Cartman, regaining his breath slowly. Cartman glanced over at Kyle, then staring at the ceiling while he put himself back in his pants.

"...What just happened?" Cartman asked breathlessly. Kyle's breath slowed to a regular pace again as he contemplated this himself.

"Shit, I don't know."

Cartman let out an impatient huff. "Well, what did it mean?"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "It meant 'I like you too.' What do you think it meant?"

Cartman stared at Kyle for a moment, apparently in disbelief. Then he sat up, laughing lightly. "Why the hell do you like me?"

Kyle followed suit with a raised eyebrow. "I don't know. I guess I'm fucking crazy." Kyle replied, though there was no malice in his tone.

The two of them flinched at the sound of a knock at the door. Cartman immediately rushed over to it, cracking the door open. He was greeted by Butters. "Hey Eric, you got the game covers all ready?"

Cartman glanced anxiously at Kyle, then turned back to Butters. "Not right now."

"Wha? But you said we had to go out today--"

"Changed my mind. Go home Butters." Cartman slammed his door before Butters could get another word in and locked his door.  
Kyle stared questioningly at Cartman when he looked back at him. "...You're not doing the scam anymore or what?"

Cartman went to sit back on his bed next to Kyle. "I'm still doing it. Just not right now. Didn't you want to hang out?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow. The idea that Cartman would prioritize him over money was flattering. But maybe this was just his way of making amends. "What should we do?"

"Let's play one of these shitty shovelware games." Cartman suggested, picking up one of the games disguised with the metal gear label.

"Oh god, they're probably horrible." Kyle groaned.

"Apparently you're fond of horrible things." Cartman joked, looking over at Kyle.

Kyle raised his eyebrow, then shaking his head and laughing lightly. Kyle ended up being right, it was a horrible game. But he ended up having fun with it. There was a powerful relief that washed through him now that he had Cartman back. It wouldn't be quite back to normal. But he definitely wouldn't be bored anymore.

 


End file.
